Ali Walker is news editor at POLITICO Europe.
Call it the War on Dogs.
Kristi Noem, a potential contender for Donald Trump’s vice-presidential pick, has had better weeks.
In a stunning self-inflicted wound, the South Dakota governor revealed in a new memoir that she had taken her misbehaving 14-month-old wirehaired pointer named Cricket out to a gravel pit — and shot her.
“It was not a pleasant job,” Noem trumpeted in the bonkers anecdote, told over multiple pages, “but it had to be done.”
“Whether running the ranch or in politics, I have never passed on my responsibilities to anyone else to handle. Even if it’s hard and painful,” Noem said Sunday in an attempt at damage control.
The shocking tale — the point of which has utterly baffled political observers — did spark some debate at POLITICO Towers: Are there any European politicians who would kill a dog in cold blood? And if so — why?
Probably would
Angela Merkel
During a 2007 meeting in Sochi, Russia, a smirking Vladimir Putin brought his large black Labrador Koni to a sit-down with then-German Chancellor Angela Merkel — who is afraid of canines and was visibly uncomfortable in the dog’s presence. Years later, the Russian ruler told the German tabloid Bild that he hadn’t meant to scare Merkel. Honest. “I wanted to make her happy. When I found out she didn’t like dogs, of course I apologized,” Putin said (likely with his fingers crossed behind his back).
Kristi Noem rating:
Ursula von der Leyen
Shoot a dog? The European Commission president might machine-gun anything furry that came within a mile of her beloved pony. After Dolly von der Leyen was savaged by a menacing wolf, the EU chief ordered an inquiry into wolves in Europe. GW950m, the snappily named killer wolf, ended up with a bounty on his head — but managed to evade capture before the death warrant expired on Jan. 31, 2023.
Kristi Noem rating:
Boris Johnson
The former British prime minister fumed that someone should “please shoot that f*****g dog” after his terrier Dilyn chomped on antique furniture and threatened to rack up another expensive damage bill at country retreat Chequers. “I don’t think he meant it literally,” one insider source clarified to the Daily Mail. Poor Dilyn was back in the news this month, with another former British prime minister, Liz Truss, saying that he might have been the cause of 10 Downing Street being infested with fleas when she took over from Johnson.
Kristi Noem rating:
Jolyon Maugham
The Brexit-hating barrister shocked Britain with a deranged post-Christmas story in 2019. While the nation was tucking into turkey leftovers and chocolates, Maugham announced on Twitter that he had clubbed a fox to death with a baseball bat while nursing a hangover and wearing his wife’s green kimono. Yep, for real. In a warning of what lies ahead for Kristi Noem, the social media loudmouth can now barely pop off a post without being reminded of the brutal fox slaying.
Kristi Noem rating:
Definitely wouldn’t
Andrzej Halicki
Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk’s right-hand man in Brussels, Andrzej Halicki, really likes big dogs. So much so that the 62-year-old head of the Polish delegation to the European Parliament has a TikTok channel dedicated to his seven Great Danes. When he’s not busy championing the rule of law or fighting to curb Ukrainian farm imports, Halicki is online advising his 107,000 followers on how to wash their furry pals’ paws or how to avoid getting hit in the crotch by their tails.
Kristi Noem rating:
Silvio Berlusconi
Under pressure in 2014 ahead of the European election, Italy’s bunga-bunga former prime minister went chasing the pet-lover vote. “We need to find a ‘papa’ or ‘mamma’ for thousands of abandoned dogs and cats,” Berlusconi told supporters. “The over 10 million Italians who have a dog or cat will only be able to look on us with renewed fondness, which will help the moderates become a strong political force, a majority.” Citing Mother Teresa, he added: “If we love animals, as we should, we will be very close to God.” It wasn’t a very successful electoral gambit, however, with his Forza Italia party ultimately plummeting in the final results.
Kristi Noem rating:
Definitely have
Adolf Hitler
You know who else killed his dog? That’s right, the Nazi führer’s love of animals may have inspired him to become a vegetarian, but it didn’t stop him from testing the cyanide capsules he planned to use to kill himself on his beloved German shepherd Blondi. The next day, with the Soviet army closing in, Hitler gave another capsule to his wife Eva Braun and then shot himself in the head.
Kristi Noem rating:
Traian Băsescu
Băsescu, a former sea captain and legendary dog-slayer, triggered an international outcry — including from film legend Brigitte Bardot — in 2001 when as Bucharest mayor he ordered hundreds of stray dogs to be rounded up and killed. At the time Bucharest had as many as 200,000 roaming stray dogs, according to media reports. Despite protesters comparing him to Hitler, Băsescu didn’t back down — continuing his anti-dog crusade even as he became Romanian president some years later. “No protest by animal foundations and politicians will make me stop the plan to kill stray dogs,” Băsescu roared. Frankly, he makes Noem look like the poster child for a good dog mom.
Kristi Noem rating:
Jeremy Thorpe
U.K. political scandals in the 1970s hit differently. Thorpe, then a rising star as leader of the Liberals, allegedly hatched a plan in 1975 to dispatch of Norman Scott — his former lover, who had threatened to reveal their relationship to the media. Thorpe always denied any physical element in their relationship. In October of that year Scott met Andrew Newton, a pilot posing as a minder hired to protect him. Newton — who was allegedly hired by close friends of Thorpe — shot Scott’s pet Great Dane Rinka, and then allegedly turned the gun on Scott, but the gun jammed and Scott was able to get away. In the trial that followed, Newton was jailed for the canine killing. The judge, however, didn’t believe Newton’s claim that he had agreed to murder Scott for between £10,000 and £20,000, and Thorpe was acquitted. The saga was portrayed in a BBC drama, with Hugh Grant as Thorpe.
Kristi Noem rating:
Andrew McDonald, Bartosz Brzeziński, Stephan Faris and Kaitlyn Locke contributed to this report.
Which European politicos would shoot a puppy?
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