Forget the US election — EU commissioner hearings are the real global event

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

Brussels owes Washington an apology: We’re sorry for distracting from your election.

After all, who can expect the United States presidential vote to get the attention it rightly deserves when there is such a monumental event taking place across the pond at the same time?

Sources tell POLITICO that U.S. senators begged Brussels to shift the dates of the European commissioners’ hearings amid panic over the prospect of low turnout on Nov. 5, when millions of Americans will be glued to the European Parliament’s website. 

And when it comes to Brussels’ interest in the U.S. election, forget about it. In the European Union capital, Harris is the Irish taoiseach, Donald is the prime minister of Poland, Republicans are French conservatives and Georgia is a swing state — in the Caucasus.

On Nov. 5 —  a date that has become synonymous worldwide with the much-anticipated hearing of Bulgarian Commissioner-Designate Ekaterina Spasova Gecheva-Zaharieva — there is a genuine risk that what happens in Brussels could swing the balance in the U.S. Some are already calling it election interference. 

On that blockbuster day next week, members of the European Parliament will fire questions at six commissioners — covering topics regularly discussed by your Average Joe in America, like “competitive circular economy” and water resilience. There’s every chance that the commissioners’ policy pledges, no matter how noncommittal, will filter back into key U.S. swing states and impact the results there. 

Let me level with you.

Viewed from Brussels, one can just about see why what’s happening stateside could garner some worthwhile attention: You have two starkly different candidates, one of whom survived being shot, going head-to-head in a generation-defining election that’s putting the future of democracy itself at stake. 

But doesn’t that pale in comparison with two dozen mid-ranking European politicians/technocrats facing 720 MEPs’ questions across 78 hours of parliamentary hearings (with speaking time allotted according to the d’Hondt system, no less)? 

The numbers make it obvious. There are 27 commissioners but only one U.S. president. That’s 27 times the power! 

On the global stage, it’s clear which political showdown counts. Hardly the nuclear superpower choosing whether to reelect Donald Trump; rather, the EU with its brand-spanking-new commissioner for defense.*

So if it’s political theater you want next week, switch off CNN. You’ll want to be in Parliament room JAN 4Q2.

*This product does not come with an army.

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Eddy Wax is POLITICO’s Playbook co-author.

Forget the US election — EU commissioner hearings are the real global event
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